Happiness

September 21^st

It has been a little over a week and much has happened since I updated you all last. Early last week I was at my lowest point since I have been in Kenya. Coincidentally, this week I am as happy as I have been since I have been here. Although situations and experiences can change by the moment, I would say that I have officially reached the point where I am completely comfortable and happy in my current environment. I wake up in the morning (even if I’m tired) happy and ready for whatever the day might bring. The changes that have happened in the past week or so have greatly influenced this attitude change.

In previous posts I have explained the situation at Mitahato Primary School. As the time progressed, from my last post, teaching grew increasingly difficult every day. It was hard to wake up in the morning and have motivation to come to school. The schooling system is very different from what I am used to and I was having a difficult time adjusting to what I felt was not right in my heart. Monday and Tuesday of last week were very difficult for me and I continually came home exhausted and tearful of what I had experiences. To say the least, there were many phone calls home to my family.

During this second week of school the size of class three, of which I was teaching, doubled. There are now 58 students that cram into the classroom every day. Although the size has doubled, the teacher continues to come to class late, leave the classroom at her will, and teach by worksheet. What I have found is that typically in the Kenyan culture students fear their teachers. I can see how this would be, because physical punishment is the most common form of discipline. Both of these concepts are hard for me to grasp. I can’t imagine why one would ever want to harm a child in any way and I personally would never want my students to fear me. I feel that the teachers here hold the students at a very low level. It is difficult for me to understand how or why one would hold themselves so far above a child.

Aside from this, the students continued to greet me with giggles and smiles every day as I entered the school grounds. Where it began to fall apart for me was in the classroom setting. As the number of students grew, the control in the classroom declined—this was especially true when the teacher would leave the classroom. Imagine 58 eager, curious, energetic students in a classroom where they cannot understand a single word their teacher is saying. Chaos. There were two periods of time on Tuesday that were so out of control that students were getting in physical fights, crying, standing on tables, throwing pencils and potatoes, etc. I am confident enough in my teaching abilities to not completely blame myself. It is quite difficult to get anything done or have any control when the communication barrier is so large.

This situation was hard enough to handle but the teachers reaction when she came back was my final straw. When she came back to the classroom I was clearly frustrated and I knew I had to talk with her. As I began to express that she needs to be in the classroom when I am teaching she responded with laughing. I know that the language barrier between the teacher and I created this reaction. I continually tried to express myself with her—mainly to just have her stay in the classroom and help translate as I teach. It seemed to not be effective because this same situation took place during the last period of the day. I was exhausted, frustrated, and completely lost in my role for the children and within the school setting.

What made matters worse for me was a heart wrenching incident that took place during lunch. During the lunch period students can run around, eat, and socialize anywhere on the campus. Typically there are no staff members around during this period of time. They are either off campus, tucked away in their classroom, or in the kitchen. I was eating my lunch in one of the classrooms and a group of girls ran to me yelling that one of my students had passed out on the field. I quickly ran out with them to find this precious eight year old girl lifeless on the ground. I saw that she was breathing and proceeded to run towards the office to get the headmaster. As I told him he proceeded by walking at what seemed to be turtle pace. I was both appalled and terrified. I felt like crying at the site of this helpless girl lying on the field. The situation continued with a call to the mother and another teacher yelling at the students to get away. The girl was moved to a shaded area (by the other students) until her mother arrived. I understand that there is a cultural difference and in an environment where the hospitals are so far away that this kind of situation can be very different from what I am used to. What was difficult for me was the lack of caring and love that any of the teachers showed. The teachers that were there appeared to want nothing to do with this girl while I was holding back tears and wanting to hold the girls in my arms. Maybe I care too much or maybe they care too little—I suppose it is not my place to judge.

By the end of the school day on Tuesday I was a mess. I did not know what to say to the family I lived with so I just waited until it was late enough to call my family. I distracted myself by watching TV and reading so that I would not think about any of the distress that I was feeling. Luckily, my mom called and I was able to express to her fully how I was feeling. I felt like giving up. I felt like maybe it wasn’t my place to be here in Kenya teaching. Maybe it was time for me to come home. Most of you already know that I am way too stubborn to give up and come home. The phone conversations and advice that came from both my mother and father were exactly what I needed. I was comforted to hear my dad’s concern in the situation and the advice he gave me. He advised me to take a break the next day and not go to school. This notion had not even crossed my mind. I did exactly that and proceeded to rest, reflect, and pray the next day. I also made some phone calls to Jo to discuss the situation with him and gather whatever thoughts or solutions he might have. He too felt that it was not a positive or productive environment for me.

The next few days I continued to miss school. I took this time to spend with family and figure out a positive solution to my “dilemma”. I was lucky enough to have my sister Mary and my brother Morris take me around to different schools within the village. This included a private elementary school, a preschool, and a high school. The biggest fear I had during this time was that none of these schools would work out and that I would have to relocate. I couldn’t imagine living in a different place, especially after the relationships I have already created with my Kenyan family. After visiting the private school and preschool my fear began to heighten. The high school was my last stop. On top of this I was unsure about teaching high school. I always thought I was meant to teach children—plus I am licensed in elementary not high school.

Morris and I ventured to the high school and waited to talk to the headmistress for hours. I was very nervous during this wait—luckily conversation with Morris took my mind off of it for the majority of the time. We met with the headmistress and I can say sincerely that she is a great, kind, and loving women. She truly cares about the students and the situations that each girl is going through. The more I have talked to her the more I look up to her leadership and kind heart. She was very excited to have me on the teaching staff. We discussed the different options and decided that I would teach form one and form two (the equivalent to freshman and sophomores) Like Skills and Physical Education for the first term. I will also be coaching the basketball team here and a few other clubs.

On Monday, I came back to the high school to meet with the headmistress again to form a schedule. At this time I also met with many of the teachers and toured the facilities. The high school I work at is called Gathirimu Girls Boarding School. There are many boarding schools in Kenya—all girls, all boys, and mixed. It is very common to see all girl boarding schools. The staff here is very welcoming and the language barrier is hardly noticeable. On Tuesday I was to teach my first lesson of Life Skills. The school counselor provided me with reference materials and offered her full support in anything I might need.

On Monday night and Tuesday morning I was so nervous that I could hardly sleep and my heart was pounding as Mary, Morris, and I walked to the high school. I spent some of my morning observing my surroundings and getting my materials prepared. I stood with one of the teachers, Teacher Michael, at lunch time (right before my class) watching the girls walk to clean their plates while all of them starred and giggled at me. It was intimidating to say the least. Teacher Michael helped me get the girls into the classroom and introduced me and the class to the students. Within the first few minutes of the class, all of my fears and concerned faded away.

The Life Skills classes that I teach are made up of one hundred students each. I previously thought that it would be a close to impossible task to teach and hold the attention of one hundred girls at a time. I started the class out by introducing myself and showing (with Power Point) the students where I am from. I also gave them time to ask any questions they might have about me, America, or whatever else they might be curious about. This period of time was very beneficial and I feel that it helped form a bond with the girls and I. During this first lesson after introducing myself I introduced the topic and reiterated to the students that I wanted them to feel comfortable talking to me and asking me anything they might need. It they are uncomfortable talking about something in class they can either write me a note or talk to me after class. A common way for them to ask questions comfortably is to pass up notes with their questions. This question and answer session about different challenges they have in their life took up much of the period (and I still have a stack that we didn’t get to). I felt that this class was very beneficial for the connection and relationship between the students and I. Many of them came after class to hug me and tell me about themselves. It was a perfect day and I walked home smiling the whole time.

Today, Wednesday, I taught a PE class to 50 form one girls. I have to be honest, I didn’t spend much time planning or preparing for the class. I wanted to see and experience what they typically do for PE. I had already taught these girls the previous day so they were very comfortable with me. They ended up showing me a warm up/dance/song they all do. It was very neat to watch and experience. We also played some basketball, soccer, volleyball and a game called three sticks.. I also learned that the Kenyan school system does not teach health. I intend to insert some health education here and there in some of the PE classes. This knowledge came known to me when I was explaining “proper” jumping skills. One of the girls landed on her knee wrong while jumping so I took the opportunity to teach and explain ACL injuries and different muscles and bones. It was fairly affective for an on-the-spot health lesson.

The girls seem to really enjoy my company. They spent most of their lunch period asking me questions, teaching me words from every which language, and playing with my hair. They are a bunch of very vibrant, beautiful, and kind girls. I really enjoy their company and every morning I am excited to come to school to interact with them. I also taught the form two Life Skills class today and it went just as well as the class before.

Since my classes at the high school are scattered throughout the day, I have agreed to continue to help at Mitahato Primary School. There are three mornings that I will be helping out there—Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. During the afternoon, around two, I am able to implement the Pen Pal Program I had previously talked about. From 2-3 I teach class 3, class 4, and class 5 (depending on the day) and from 3-4 I teach class 6, class 7, and class 8. I begin the program next week. The first classes that I will be teaching are class three and class eight. I know it will still be challenging but hopefully my conversation with the headmaster will help the overall situation.

As far as my family goes, like I said before, I love them and everything about the Kenyan environment. I spend most of my day laughing and smiling about anything and everything. I am especially close with Morris and Mary. Mary often walks me to school and around the village and the majority of the time we are cracking up and teasing each other about this and that. I plan to steal her and bring her back to America with me! I also spend a lot of time with Morris. He is fun and easy to talk to about anything. All in all, we all “goof off” a lot and really enjoy each other’s company. I also have several names here now. CuCu has given me a Kikuyu name; I’m “sister” to Morris and Mary; some of the aunts call me Joy; and the people in the towns have several other names for me. I am pretty used to all the names by now—“Hope” is pretty much only used at school.

Anyways, sorry that I wrote so much and that I rambled on about everything. I wanted to express the changes that were going on and inform you all on my current status. I am very lucky and blessed for everything right now. I don’t know how I got so fortunate to experience everything that I am experiencing and be loved by so many. One of the teachers at the high school was asking me about how I ended up in Kenya and such. She said, “Oh, you must be very blessed.” I thought to myself, yes, I am very blessed to get this opportunity and be fortunate enough to come to this beautiful company. The teacher broke my train of thought by saying “You are a blessed person to be giving so much of your time and effort like you are.”

Until next time!